Confession: I often speak up when I should keep silent and keep silent when I should speak up. I struggle the most at work where people are constantly talking around me – in both good and bad ways. What’s OK to say and what should be kept to yourself is subjective to some but I struggle with that idea. Whatever happened to “If you can’t something nice, don’t say anything at all?”
The other week, while I was at work, I felt as if I was splashed by a big, cold wave when I realized the type of conversations I was being pulled into. None of them were “bad” by worldly standards but they were by God’s standards and I was ashamed just by nodding my head and listening. I don’t want to talk bad about other people or slander my boss or make a mountain out of an ant hill just to prove a point. But the people you work with becomes your friends, and as friends, it’s natural to share frustrations or vent when you’re upset about something. So where’s the line between good conversation and bad?
Thinking of it in terms of a scale or balance is helpful to me. For every positive, uplifting, praiseworthy and valuable thing I say, I put a marble on one side of the balance. For every derogatory, complaining, unnecessary or hurtful comment I make, I put a marble on the other side of the balance. At the end of the day, I’d discover I was either focused on the Lord and doing right towards others or I was focused on me. I hope the positive side of the balance fills to overflowing as I practice self-control in this area, and the negative empties.
So here’s my golden rule, borrowed from Dale Carnegie, “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.” My goal is to address issues and confront people, when necessary, without crossing the line into bad conversation.
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